This is a personal post.
Writing this has been a battle for me. I’ve gone back and forth as to whether to put these words out into the world for a long time; Whether this is a topic for a company blog, whether this is something I should be sharing with the general public at all. But the line between my business life and my personal life became blurred the moment I created a bio for my company web page and put my name on the box cover of my game, Wolves.
There’s never been a time I can remember that feels more dangerous to be part of any marginalized community. Everywhere I look, people are frantically attempting to defend themselves from this administration and all of the terror they’ve unleashed. Whether you’re Native or Black or queer or trans or an immigrant or Jewish or Palestinian or anything other than cis, straight, white, and a man, it seems like there is an unending amount of hate just outside of our doors.
I can’t go further into this without addressing my enormous privilege. I grew up upper-lower-class in Southern California in the 70s. But I always had a meal and a roof over my head. What’s more is that despite my Native and Mexican heritage, I passed as a little white boy, and that goes a long way in this country, then and now. And while I’m part of other marginalized communities – atheist, polyamorous, others – all of those are things I can choose to display or keep hidden. I have that luxury.
I’m not going to get too much further into my personal journey here, but some of you who’ve followed my career may have noticed that a few years back – probably closer to five or six years now that I think about it – I started using the word “queer” to describe myself.
But that was just a placeholder for all of the things I was dealing with. It honestly took a combination of a fantastic therapist and a new, very loving and intuitive partner to get me to my next steps. For a bit during that period, I was referring to myself as genderqueer or bigender. But that was just another step on the path. The reality is that I’m transgender. And now that I’ve been on that path for about ten months, I want how I present on the outside to start reflecting who I am on the inside.
I came out to my close friends and family earlier this year. With two exceptions, the response was positive and supportive, and I’m so grateful for that. And my journey has been made easier by being surrounded by fantastic folks from all over the queer spectrum who have been helpful and joyful at my coming out.
I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention several people in the gaming/media world who – just by existing as themselves – have helped me on this path, even though they were probably entirely unaware of their effect on me. Folks like Amabel Holland, Charlie Jane Anders, Annalee Newitz, Jadzia Axelrod, Danielle Reynolds, Alara Cameron, Tiffany Leigh, Jennell Jaquays, and so many others have been sources of inspiration for me. And through those inspirations, I realized that because of the world we’re currently living in, it’s more important than ever that I live a fully honest life, and that maybe I can help someone with less privilege by standing up and presenting myself as a whole, unified person.
So yeah. If you see me out in the world, I’ll still answer to Connor. I’m not going to get upset if you refer to me as he/him for a while. But I’m moving away from that person. That person served me well for a long time, but they were like a suit. And that suit hasn’t just gotten old, it’s one that I never picked out for myself, never wanted, never fit. Time to take the suit off and put on a cute skirt.
From here on out, you can call me Kenna and use she/her or they/them pronouns when referring to me. The name Kenna Alexander will appear on future Coyote & Crow releases. If you’re Native and you want to refer to me as Two-Spirit, you’re welcome to, but I don’t claim that label for myself at the moment. If you’re not Native, please do not refer to me as Two-Spirit. And if you have questions about how I got to where I am, where I’m headed on this journey, or anything else about my transness, you’re welcome to ask.
Sometimes the future seems terrifying. But it feels better to me to face it with authenticity, and surrounded by amazing friends and allies. And despite everything going on in the world, I’m choosing joy. Not for the struggles that surely lie ahead, but because I’m becoming a better version of me.